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Other People's Kids

(Howard County Connections)

COMMUNITIES BUILDING ASSETS
Other People’s Kids

By: Nicole Martino

Nicole Martino is an intern for Horizon Foundation’s Howard County CONNECTIONS. She is a senior at Reservoir High School and editor of the newspaper. She is studying the topic of developmental assets and will be reporting on the activities of CONNECTIONS throughout the year.

Ask yourself, when you look back on your childhood and adolescence, who was it you turned to in time of need? Whom did you trust with your secrets, who listened to you? Think about the adults who made a difference in your life, whether they were teachers, family members, or neighbors, and ask yourself whether you maintain the same relationships with the youth around you today?

The fact is that youth need adults to be successful, and lately adults have more and more removed themselves from the lives of youth. If you ask me, we live in one of the largest age segregated societies ever. Many youth have never even sat down for a sustained conversation with their own grandparents.

According to the Search Institute in Minnesota, only 45% of youth feel they receive support from three or more non-parent adults and only 30% of youth nationwide believe they have positive adult role models who are active participants in their lives. “Sixty percent of American youth don’t know someone well enough in their neighborhood to ask for help if they need it,” states Peter Benson, President of the Search Institute.

How did youth and adults get so separated in today’s society? Is it that adults believe youth don’t want to be around them in the first place? Or are they scared? Are some adults frightened they will loose their children’s love by appearing not to trust them?

In an attempt to discover how Howard County teens feel about adult involvement in their lives, I ventured to Columbia’s town square, the Mall. One teen whom I spoke with outside of Starbucks said that she had even experienced adults who would cross the street and walk on the other side rather than walk near her and her friends. “It’s like they won’t even give us a chance, just because my hair is purple or something,” she said.
"I hate it when I go into a store and the adults automatically assume I am out to steal something,” another girl said. “Why do they think that?”

Think how humiliated you would be if someone accused you of shoplifting based solely on your appearance.

• Ask the “punk” kid bagging your groceries if he has been to any good shows lately, (that’s teenager for concerts) and see what happens. I can tell you that the only look he will give you is that of skepticism because he can’t remember the last time an adult has cared about the music he listens to.
  
  
• Attend concerts, sporting events, and any civic events involving youth. As a field hockey player and a violinist, I can tell you that to see someone in the audience or stands who is not related to someone on the field or stage feels good, as if they actually care enough to share in your successes and the display of your hard work.
  
  
• A speaker at the Search Institute’s annual Healthy Communities Health Youth National Conference said, “When I was working as a classroom aide in an elementary school, I discovered early on that if I played kickball or jumped rope with the kids, I was a hero. If I sat down and ate lunch with them, I became a legend. If I talked with them about their lives, I was the stuff of which epics are made.”
  
  
• Another good way to show kids you care is to learn names. When you are walking the dog past the bus stop, ask kids their names and remember them. Simply saying “Hello” each morning can show kids that you care and it can help to develop a community, a neighborhood, a place where they can go if they are in trouble.
  
  
• When kids stop being the enemy and are instead seen as resources, everything changes. You would be surprised to see what happens when adults realize that skateboarding is constructive because they are getting exercise and staying out of trouble, and that there is no reason to be scared of the purple haired girl at the mall. It is not just you teaching the youth about life, amazing things happen when adults are willing to let youth teach them the things they have forgotten about life.
  
  
• Be a mentor. Target the kid you see playing alone in your neighborhood. Learn their name, see what he or she has to say. Be a friend. The best thing that you can offer is a listening ear, trust me, you will be amazed.